Posted by: 28changes | August 2, 2008

this must be something.

upon this paper sits a list of possibilities. me? him? that? this? the book? the violations? hell if i know.

questionable conclusions i haven’t made. yet. because i’m afriad of finality. the black and white world i have lived in is no longer an option. where is the gray? there must be gray in this.

and i plead: ‘create a clean heart in me, o god. renew a steadfast spirit in

the walk towards.

the walk towards.

me.

restore to me the joy of your salvation. don’t take your holy spirit from me. it might just be all i have left.

i trimmed the edges, i walked the ledges;

                  now searching for the hedges                   around that place screaming “god doesn’t love you. you are not worthy of anything like love.” keeping all of us out. all of us.

should it be on the list….is this list just a reason to worry in the simple life i lead?

torment. i don’t know how to just enjoy it all as it comes. peace means something is wrong. i am wrong.

Posted by: 28changes | July 11, 2008

a song for ashley.

Chear up, you are worse off than you figure
Bur you are loved anyway and I always see 
Who you could be
All the stars are waiting for you to shine
And your heart is beating to find it’s home 
In mine

Stand up, you are stronger than you figure
You just need to be surrounded by those who 
Believe in you
All the stars are waiting for you to shine
And your heart is beating to find it’s home 
In mine

All the starts are waiting for you to shine
And your heart is waiting to find it’s home 
In mine

You’ve got to know that I won’t throw 
Stones your way

Posted by: 28changes | July 10, 2008

a woman that knew.

Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.” -Rainer Maria Rilke

Posted by: 28changes | July 7, 2008

michael brown makes me happy.

 

)

mike giving jennifer a flower 🙂

i realized today that my brother is one person in my life who brings no anxiety with him. as he sat with me, staring at my computer while i facebooked, then as he sat eating his tuna sandwich…bite….bite……bite…..still eating 30 minutes later. i realized life for him is just about the moment. he’s content doing the moment. i’m not.

i want more of my brother in my pocket.

Posted by: 28changes | July 3, 2008

it’s around my neck.

just because it’s there now. well, that’s not the end.
right to punish.

Posted by: 28changes | July 2, 2008

i just got lost.

Just because I’m losing

Doesn’t mean I’m lost

Doesn’t mean I’ll stop

Doesn’t mean I will cross

Just because I’m hurting

Doesn’t mean I’m hurt

Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserve

No better and no worse

 

 

 

 

I just got lost

Every river that I’ve tried to cross

And every door I ever tried was locked

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off…

You might be a big fish

In a little pond

Doesn’t mean you’ve won

‘Cause along may come

A bigger one

And you’ll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross

Every gun you ever held went off

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the firing starts

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off…

Just because I’m losing

Doesn’t mean I’m lost

Doesn’t mean I’ll stop

Doesn’t mean I will cross

Just because I’m hurting

Doesn’t mean I’m hurt

Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserve

No better and no worse

I just got lost

Every river that I’ve tried to cross

And every door I ever tried was locked

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off…

You might be a big fish

In a little pond

Doesn’t mean you’ve won

‘Cause along may come

A bigger one

And you’ll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross

Every gun you ever held went off

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the firing starts

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off

Ooh-Oh, And I’m just waiting till the shine wears off…

Posted by: 28changes | July 2, 2008

28 changes.

“Be my mirror my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can’t explain Once you know there was never, never an honest word That was when I ruled the world” -coldplay, viva la vida.

i don’t know the past two years of my life. i don’t see them without someone else’s glasses. my vision has been altered through an indescribable pain.

people say there was blood.

people say there were broken pieces of glass.

people show me pictures of me smiling, but it’s not me that i see in these photographs. it is the person who took over.

if i could, i’d summon up the armies of my indignation and invite them to battle me now. i’d climb the mountain and reign down on them from above. i’d be carried on the backs of eagles to a shore of stone. i wouldn’t let this “me” walk the earth anymore.

a sip of wine. a puff of smoke. it’s all gone now. trust will crucify my past and allow me to know the truth for the first time. words will be spoken that do not hide what is real. these words will be honest.

this “me” will not be there.

walking the world’s bridge.

Categories